Steelers Today – A Pittsburgh Steelers blog

During the Steelers 2008 training camp, NT Casey Hampton (aka “Big Snack”) arrived weighing almost 400 lbs.

"Big Snack"

Coach Tomlin wasn’t happy about this, and placed Hampton in the physically unable to perform (PUP) list. Tomlin made Hampton run laps until he shed the excess weight.

Run big fella!

Hampton still loves to eat, but he wants to stay out of Coach Tomlin’s doghouse, so he now does his snacking in secret. Each week, we will be sneaking into the Steelers’ locker room and peaking into Hampton’s locker to see what snacks he is hiding from Coach Tomlin. Stop by every Wednesday to see Big Snack’s latest snack.

Today’s Snack:

A little snack for "Big Snack"

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Okay, please step away from the ledge. It was only a joke. The Steelers have not brought back the world’s most expensive sweatsuit model. No need to kill yourself.

I'm baaack!

However, the Steelers did finalize a deal with Najeh Davenport. After Rashard Mendenhall and Carey Davis got injured on Monday night, the Steelers were left with only one healthy running back on the 53 man roster. Now, Davenport will join Mewelde Moore as the Steelers’ running backs. Willie Parker will not be ready to play by this weekend, and Carey Davis is also questionable. It is likely that the Steelers will bring in Gary Russell from the practice squad to add another option at running back.

That is probably not a collection of running backs that is going to instill fear in the hearts of opponents, but the Steelers have to take what they can get.

On the offensive line, Steelers coach Mike Tomlin said that Trai Essex will compete with Darnell Stapleton for the guard spot vacated by Kendall Simmons when he got injured on Monday Night.

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In the wake of the Steelers’ injury-filled game against the Baltimore Ravens on Monday Night, the Steelers were left with just one healthy running back on the roster.

Willie Parker was already injured going into the game. During the game, 1st round draft pick Rashard Mendenhall fractured his shoulder and will be put on injured reserve for the remainder of the season. To make matters even worse, RB Carey Davis sprained his ankle later in the game, leaving the Steelers with only one healthy running back on their roster; Mewelde Moore.

In an attempt to address that problem, the Steelers brought in Najeh Davenport for a workout today. If Davenport passes his physical, it is assumed that the team will sign him to play against the Jacksonville Jaguars this weekend.

Davenport played the past 2 seasons with the Steelers, but was made expendable when the Steelers drafted Rashard Mendenhall. Davenport was released in June.

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As we all expected, the Steelers and Ravens engaged in a defensive struggle on Monday night.  The game was truly a tale of two halves.  And the two halves were polar opposites of one another.

In the first half, the Steelers’ offense was completely dominated by the Ravens’ defense.  Rashard Mendenhall was stuffed for no gain on his first carry.  That would prove to be a precursor of what was to come for the rookie in his first NFL start.  Mendenhall would end up with 30 yards rushing on 9 carries before leaving the game with a shoulder injury.

Steelers RB Rashard Mendenhall

With Willie Parker already out with an injury, Mendenhall’s injury left the Steelers with only Carey Davis and Mewelde Moore as healthy running backs.  When Davis twisted his ankle later in the game, Moore was left as the lone healthy running back on the Steelers’ roster. 

While most thought that Ravens’ quarterback Joe Flacco would be overwhelmed by the pressure of his first appearance on Monday Night Football, Flacco showed his doubters that he was ready for prime time.  In the first half, Flacco actually looked much more polished than Ben Roethlisberger did.  While Roethlisberger spent much of the first half on his back, Flacco looked like Joe Montana.  He was cool under pressure, and he had the Ravens up 13-3 at the half after throwing a touchdown pass to TE Daniel Wilcox.

Unlike last week against the Philadelphia Eagles, the Steelers offense seemed to make adjustments at halftime, and looked like an entirely diffferent team in the second half.  Ben Roethlisberger attributed the difference to the no-huddle offense.  He said that he asked the coaches if the offense could start using the no-huddle offense to accelerate the pace, and it worked like a charm. 

In the second half, it was Roethlisberger who looked like Joe Montana.  He made quick reads, and was able to avoid the Ravens’ blitz.  He connected with WR Santonio Holmes early in the 3rd quarter for a Steelers touchdown.  15 seconds later, the Steelers scored again when James Harrison forced a fumble on Joe Flacco.  LaMarr Woodley dived on the ball, and when he realized there were no Ravens in his vicinity, he got up and ran it into the endzone.  In less than 30 seconds, the Steelers went from being down 3-10, to being up 17-10.

Roethlisberger under pressure.

Contrarily, Joe Flacco spent much of the 2nd half on his back.  While he looked calm and comfortable in the first half, he looked hurried and uncomfortable in the second half.  The Steelers defense applied constant pressure on Flacco, and made him look like the rookie that he is.

By the end of regulation, the two teams found themselves tied 20-20.

In overtime, the Ravens won the coin toss and chose to receive.  The Steelers’ defense held them just like they had done pretty consistently since halftime.  The Ravens were forced to punt.  On their first overtime possession, the Steelers were able to get the ball close enough for Jeff Reed to attempt a 46 yard field goal.  Reed’s field goal split the uprights, but the Ravens called timeout right before the kick, and Reed was forced to kick it again.  Apparently, the Ravens don’t know that Reed is the coolest kicker in the NFL.  As expected, Reed made his 2nd attempt, and the Steelers won 23-20.

The Steelers’ win was their 14th consecutive home win on Monday Night Football.  That is an NFL record for home effectiveness on MNF.

Injury update

Rashard Mendenhall left the game with a fractured shoulder.   Will be put on injured reserve for the rest of the season.

Steelers guard Kendall Simmons left the game with an achilles injury.  Coach Tomlin said that he will  have to be placed on injured reserve.  Out for the rest of the season.

Running back Carey Davis sprained his ankle, but it is not thought to be serious.

Linebacker Andre Frazier was injured on the first play of the game.  Fans got a scare when Frazier didn’t move after a collision.  He was carted off the field on a stretcher, but tests proved to be negative, and he seems to be okay.

Keyaron Fox was injured on special teams.  Injury not thought to be serious.

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As the Steelers prepare to play the Baltimore Ravens on Monday Night Football (MNF), it is obvious that both teams are preparing for a defensive struggle. These are two of the most defensive minded teams in the NFL. Both subscribe to the philosophy of “run the ball, and stop the run”.

Beyond the overall Steelers Offense vs. Baltimore Defense, and Baltimore Offense vs. Steelers Defense match-up, here are a few of the specific match-ups that will determine the outcome of the game:

Rashard Mendenhall vs. Ravens Defense

What more need be said about this one? Nobody can run against the Ravens’ defense. A rookie running back making his first NFL start is not going to change that. Advantage: Ravens.

Ben Roethlisberger vs. Ravens Secondary

Everyone knows that Baltimore is going to blitz. They watched last week’s game just like the rest of us did. They know that the blitz is an effective tool against the Steelers offense, and Ben Roethlisberger in particular. Big Ben is going to have to get rid of the ball quickly. Last week that was difficult for him to do, because even though the Eagles were sending up to 8 men to rush the passer, their secondary was still able to keep the Steelers receivers from getting open (how that happened is anybody’s guess).

The Ravens’ secondary is even better than the Eagles’. Ed Reed, Chris McAllister, and Samari Rolle make up one of the most feared defensive backfields in the NFL. In order for the Steelers to win, Roethlisberger must win this battle. Advantage: Ravens.

Dick LeBeau vs. Joe Flacco

Joe Flacco is a rookie quarterback starting in his first away game. He only has two NFL regular season games under his belt. Those games were against the unimpressive Cincinnati Bengals and Cleveland Browns defenses. Flacco has never seen anything like what LeBeau is about to throw at him.

LeBeau has socks that have been in more NFL games than Flacco has. Clearly, he has forgotten more about football then Flacco will ever know. It is his job to use his vastly superior knowledge and experience to completely baffle Flacco. If I were betting on this match-up, I’d put my money on LeBeau. Advantage: Steelers.

Coach Dick LeBeau

Haloti Ngata vs. Chris Kemoeatu
Besides being a battle of two of the more difficult names to pronounce in the NFL, this is a battle of two enormous human beings. “Kemo” is 6’3″, 344 lbs. Ngata is 6’4″, 340 lbs. That’s a lot of beef banging into one another.

Kemoeatu is in his first year as a starter, replacing the departed Alan Faneca. He got off to a good start against the Texans and Browns, but was totally overmatched against the blitzing Eagles. Ngata is surprisingly quick for his size, and he would be a challenge for Kemoeatu by himself. But Kemoeatu will have to battle Ngata while also preventing Baltimore’s linebackers from slipping between the gaps. Advantage: Draw.

Troy Polamalu vs. Todd Heap

Todd Heap has not been an integral part of Baltimore’s offense as of late. However, that doesn’t change the fact that he is a very capable weapon. Particularly in the red zone. If the Steelers are effective at stopping th Ravens’ rushing attack, Ravens Offensive Coordinator Cam Cameron will probably instruct Flacco to go to Todd Heap as his second option. While the Steelers often drop linebackers into coverage, safety Troy Polamalu will probably get most of responsibility for stopping Heap. Advantage: Steelers.

Steelers Safety Troy Polamalu

James Harrison vs. Adam Terry

Last year, James Harrison had such a dominant performance against the Ravens on MNF, that some argue that that single game was responsible for making Harrison a Pro Bowler. Terry’s job will be to prevent Harrison from having a repeat performance. Uhhh yeah, good luck with that. Advantage: Steelers.

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This week on Monday Night Football, two NFL rookies will receive their baptism in fire. They are Steelers rookie running back Rashard Mendenhall, and Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco.

Rashard Mendenhall

Rashard Mendenhall was the Steelers’ 1st round draft pick out of Illinois. In his only season as a starter at Illinois, Mendenhall rushed for 1,681 yards and 17 touchdowns, and was named Big Ten Conference Offensive Player of the Year.

Since joining the Steelers, Mendenhall has not been able to break into the starting line-up, and he only has 10 regular season rushes under his belt. Those have accounted for 28 total yards. However, the injury to Steelers starting running back Willie Parker has thrust Mendenhall into the spotlight.

Steelers rookie Rashard Mendenhall

Mendenhall makes his first NFL start Monday Night against the Baltimore Ravens. As if starting his first game weren’t enough pressure, Mendenhall has to do it in front of a national audience on MNF. And to add even more pressure to the situation, he must make his debut against Ray Lewis and the Baltimore Ravens’ #1 ranked defense.

Facing Ray Lewis is intimidating enough for veterans. For a rookie making his first start, “terrifying” is probably an appropriate way to describe it. Hint to Mendenhall: Make sure you wear Depends under your pads.

The Ravens haven’t allowed a running back to rush for 100 yard in 21 consecutive games, the longest current streak in the NFL. Opponents are averaging only 70.0 rushing yards per game against them. Moreover, they haven’t allowed a single rushing touchdown this season.

I’m sure Mendenhall is wondering why he couldn’t be playing the Cincinnati Bengals in his debut. Where are the sorry teams when you need them?

Joe Flacco

Joe Flacco started his college career at the University of Pittsburgh. He dreamed of playing at Heinz Field. However, that dream was of leading the Pittsburgh Panthers to victory, not of playing against the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Flacco has started two games already, accumulating a record of 2-0. Unfortunately, those two starts were against the Cincinnati Bengals and the Cleveland Browns. Those two Arena League teams were a nice warm-up, but Flacco is going to be facing the real deal this time.

The Steelers’ defense is always among the NFL’s best. Defensive Coordinator Dick LeBeau’s has succeeded in confounding veteran quarterbacks like Peyton Manning. Joe Flacco doesn’t stand a chance.

Joe, when you see a guy with long hair on the other side of the line of scrimmage moving around like a crazy person, be afraid. Be very afraid. His name is Troy Polamalu. No matter what you anticipate he’s going to do, you’ll be wrong. Just accept it. His strategy is going to be to confuse you. And it’s going to work. Take my word for it.

To make matters worse, James Harrison is going to be trying his best to separate your head from your shoulders. You do know James Harrison, don’t you? He’s the Steelers’ Pro Bowl linebacker who single-handedly destroyed the Baltimore Ravens last year on Monday Night Football.

In preparation for Monday’s game, I’d suggest you practice saying this phrase; “May I get up now, Mr. Harrison?” You’re going to be saying that a lot.

As a former Pitt Panther, I wouldn’t mind seeing you succeed in the NFL. Just not this week. This week, you’re going to get a lot of much needed experience. It’s just not the kind of experience you are hoping for.

Both rookies dreamed of someday making it to this point. They have achieved their dream. They will be starting for an NFL team on Monday Night Football. All eyes will be on them. Frankly, I think they’re both going to learn what the old proverb means that says “Be careful what you ask for. You just might get it”.

Welcome to the NFL, rookie!

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On Monday night, the Pittsburgh Steelers (2-1) take on their arch-rivals the Baltimore Ravens (2-0). In their last meeting, the Ravens defeated the Steelers 27-21. The Ravens have won 4 of the last 5 meetings, but the Steelers lead the all-time series 14-10.

The Ravens are coming off a big division win, having defeated the Cleveland Browns 28-10. The Steelers, on the other hand, are coming off a 117-6 loss to the Eagles………..What’s that? It was only 15-6? Wow, it sure seemed like 117-6. Oh well, I stand corrected.

This is a big game for both teams, as they battle for AFC North supremacy. Moreover, it is a battle of two teams that genuinely seem to hate one another. We all understand that fans in Pittsburgh are genetically programmed to hate the Cleveland Browns. However, Steelers vs. Browns stopped being a true rivalry the moment Art Modell moved his team to Baltimore. Since that time, a game against the Browns is essentially a guaranteed win for the Steelers. Contrarily, the Steelers-Ravens game has emerged as the true rivalry game on the schedule. When the Steelers meet the Ravens, the outcome is always uncertain.

One thing that IS certain when these two teams meet is that defense is going to be the focus of the game. Both teams boast strong defenses, and merely adequate offenses. Moreover, both teams live and die by the same philosophy; run the ball, and stop the run.

The Ravens enter the game with the NFL’s #1 ranked defense, allowing only 161.5 total yards per game. The Steelers are the NFL’s #2 ranked defense, averaging only 234.0 yards allowed per game. The Steelers are #2 in the NFL this year at stopping the run. Their stingy defense is only allowing 64.3 yards per game. The Ravens defense is #3 against the run, allowing only 70.0 rushing yards per game. The Ravens are the #2 scoring defense in the NFL, having allowed only 10.0 pts/gm. The Steelers defense is 3rd, allowing only 12.7 pts./gm. Finally, the Steelers defense has allowed only 1 rushing touchdown this season, while the Ravens “D” has allowed none. Did I mention that this was going to be a defensive struggle?

Baltimore LB Ray Lewis

Both the Steelers and the Ravens are known for running conservative offenses that primarily run the ball. Based on the defensive numbers that I just presented, that may be a tough thing to do this week.

The Steelers’ offense is going to be further hampered by the loss of starting running back Willie Parker, who is sidelined with a knee injury. In his place, rookie Rashard Mendenhall will make his first NFL start. Mendenhall was the Steelers 1st round draft pick this year, but he has seen little action since the pre-season. So far, he has only accumulated 10 regular season carries.

The Baltimore Ravens’ defense hasn’t allowed a 100 yard rusher in 21 consecutive games, dating back to December 10, 2006. That is the longest current streak in the NFL. How many of you believe that Rashard Mendenhall is going to break that streak in his first NFL start? Neither do I.

Rookie RB Rashard Mendenhall

Since the running game will probably not be able to carry the Steelers this week, they are going to have to rely on the passing game, and quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. Roethlisberger was treated like a tackling dummy last week by the Eagles’ defense. I’m sure that the aggressive Ravens defense has watched those tapes closely and hopes to do the same thing. Remember, in November 2006, the Ravens’ defense had one of their most dominant performances ever against the Steelers. In that game, they sacked Roethlisberger 9 times, and intercepted him twice, en route to a 27-0 blowout in Baltimore. They’d love nothing more than to have a repeat of that performance.

In order to prevent that, the Steelers offensive line is going to have to give Big Ben much more time to find his receivers than he got last week. But Ben is also going to have to take more responsibility by getting rid of the ball quicker.

Ouch!!

After last week’s game, I am assuming that Steelers Offensive Coordinator Bruce Arians made the team practice quick slant routes to Hines Ward, and short passes to Heath Miller. Quick hitting plays like those will keep the Ravens’ defense honest, and prevent them from bringing the house on every play. If the Steelers are going to win, it is going to be up to Ben Roethlisberger to read the blitzes, and to react accordingly.

The Ravens recorded 5 sacks last week against the Browns. I’m sure they are itching to get even more sacks against the Steelers.

When the Ravens are on offense, they are going to have challenges of their own. They are starting rookie Joe Flacco at quarterback. To date, Flacco has faced the Cincinnati Bengals’ defense, and the Cleveland Browns’ defense. Neither of those defenses is in the same class as the Steelers’ defense. In those two games, Flacco has never passed for more than 129 yards. Moreover, he has never before faced the exotic blitz schemes that Steelers Defensive Coordinator Dick LeBeau is going to throw at him. By the end of the game, I expect Flacco to be very familiar with James Harrison, LaMarr Woodley, and Troy Polamalu.

The one thing that will help the Ravens is that the Steelers will be missing three starters on defense. Pro Bowl nose tackle Casey Hampton is out with a groin pull. Defensive end Brett Keisel, and cornerback Deshea Townsend are also out. Hampton and Keisel make up 2/3 of the Steelers’ defensive front. That’s hard to replace.

The Ravens have an all-time record of 4-6 on Monday Night Football. They were 0-3 on MNF in 2007. The Steelers, on the other hand, are 13-0 at home on MNF dating back to 1992. Last year they crushed the Ravens in a Monday night game at Heinz Field (38-7). They also beat the Ravens on MNF in 2005 by a score of 20-19.

I’m not a betting man, but if I were, I’d say put your money on the Steelers. My prediction is Steelers win 13-6 in a defensive struggle.

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After Sunday’s thumping at the hands of the Eagles, it was interesting reading other people’s views on the game. As a blogger, I always like checking out what my fellow bloggers are saying. Here are a few that I thought were worth sharing with my readers:

1. The guys at Mondesi House always do a good job. While many (most?) of the reports that I read following the Steelers’ loss were angry and filled with expletives, this was possibly the most level-headed report that I read. Please check it out here.
2. On the opposite end of the spectrum, the guys over at Nice Pick, Cowher were far more emotional in their response. The tone of their article was probably more reflective of how most of us felt after seeing the Steelers completely manhandled by the Eagles. Check out their story here.
3. Stillers.com did a very detailed position-by-position review of the game. Very nicely done. I particularly like his thoughts on Offensive Coordinator Bruce Arians. You can read this one here. This is one of my favorite sites for humorous, but insightful Steelers analysis. Give them some love.
4. Neal Coolong over at On The Black Side is always a good read. Bookmark his site. Also, check out his post-game report here.
5. And finally, my friends over at 5 Golden Rings had a picture that was so good I had to share it. Please take a look at this. At first, looking at it will bring back painful memories of Sunday’s game, but after you get over that, you’ll have to admit that it’s very funny. Also, scroll down to see another funny one that he has about the Cleveland Browns. You can see it here.

Each of these blogs is in my blogroll. Check them out, as well as all of the other great Steelers blogs that I have supplied links to in the right-hand column of my blog.

Well, that’s all that I’ve got for today. By tomorrow I will be over the pain of Sunday’s loss, and I’ll be able to write something a little more creative. See ya then.

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The Steelers scored no rushing touchdowns. The Steelers scored no passing touchdowns. The Steelers only got one rushing 1st down in the entire game. Willie Parker was held to 20 yards rushing. Ben Roethlisberger was sacked 8 times (6 times in the 2nd quarter), and was held to 131 total passing yards. Score: Eagles 15, Steelers 6. Any questions?

I was tempted to end my post-game analysis right there, but that would be taking the easy way out. Writing this report feels just like it felt to watch the Steelers game today; painful.

I tried to think of headlines for this article, but everything that I thought of seemed too negative. “Steelers get their ***es kicked” was the most accurate headline I could think of, but it just sounded…..inappropriate. So I stuck with “Steelers vs. Eagles: Post-Game Analysis” as my headline.

Going into the game, I was expecting a physical contest of titanic proportions between two evenly matched gladiators. What I actually watched looked more like a street fight between Richard Simmons and Kimbo Slice. And unfortunately, the Steelers weren’t Kimbo Slice.

I'm an Eagle.

The Eagles dominated the Steelers in all facets of the game. Let’s take a look at each of them.

Steelers’ Defense:

The Eagles offense seemed to be able to move the ball at will, until Donovan McNabb and Brian Westbrook (the Eagles’ two best offensive players) both suffered injuries. McNabb was a perfect 15/15 passing before throwing his first incomplete pass with just over 2 minutes remaining in the 1st half. Westbrook injured his ankle early in the 1st quarter, and rushed for only 12 total yards before leaving the game for good.

In my pre-game analysis, I said that the Steelers’ defense needed to do two things; contain Westbrook and pressure McNabb. If they weren’t able to do these two things, the steelers were in for a long day. The early injury to Westbrook took care of my first concern. Westbrook was rendered a non-factor. And while McNabb was unstoppable in the 1st half, Dick LeBeau and the Steelers’ defense made adjustments at half-time, and made life difficult for the Eagles the rest of the way. Despite giving up 13 points (two points came on a safety and can’t be charged to the Steelers’ “D”), the Steelers’ Defense played a good game, and they were the only reason that the final score wasn’t 59-3 (although it certainly felt like that was the score).

In particular, LaMarr Woodley and Lawrence Timmons looked good. While neither recorded more than 2 tackles, they both provided good pressure on McNabb. Woodley completely over-powered Eagles tackle John Runyan on his sack of Donovan McNabb. While Timmons did not start for the Steelers, it was very noticeable when Timmons came into the game. He provided key pressure on McNabb at the end of the 1st half that changed the tempo of the game, and ended McNabb’s perfect passing streak.

James Farrior led the team in tackles (with 7 solo tackles), and also forced a fumble. Larry Foote also recorded 1.5 sacks on McNabb.

Troy Polamalu had another good game, and recorded his 3rd interception in as many games. Cornerback Bryant McFadden also recorded an interception (his 2nd in the past 2 games).

Despite a rough 1st half, the Steelers’ defense looked good, and they have no reason to hang their heads.

Steelers’ Offense:

The Steelers’ offense was an entirely different matter. The offense stunk. There’s no other way to put it.

Was it just me, or did it seem like the referees were allowing the Eagles to rush 15 defensive linemen on each play? How else do you explain the constant pressure on Ben Roethlisberger? Even when the Steelers went to their “max protection” formations, they still couldn’t stop the Eagles’ rush. Usain Bolt couldn’t have gotten to Big Ben faster than the Eagles linemen were.

In total, the Offensive Line gave up 9 sacks. That’s right, 9! Eight sacks on Roethlisberger, and one of Byron Leftwich. At one point, the Eagles’ Defense recorded 5 sacks in 6 plays. I’ve seldom seen a defensive line dominate an offensive line so completely. Kendall Simmons was a revolving door. Willie Colon played like a matador. And Chris Kemoeatu showed that he is much better at run blocking than he is at pass blocking.

Worth 1000 words.

I’m not one to call for coaches’ heads, but Steelers Offensive Line Coach Larry Zierlein should hide his face in shame. He had no clue how to stop the Eagles’ rush. He was like a 3rd grader taking a trigonometry exam; completely baffled. While Dick LeBeau made adjustments at half-time, Zierlein and Steelers Offensive Coordinator Bruce Arians apparently made none. The offensive line’s performance was truly an embarrassment.

Beyond the constant pressure that he was getting from the Eagles defense, Ben Roethlisberger didn’t look like himself. His passes weren’t accurate, and he looked rattled. Perhaps his shoulder was hurting worse than he let on. In fact, the only time the Steelers were able to establish a viable passing game was when Byron Leftwich came on in relief after Roethlisberger injured his hand.

To make matters worse, the Steelers offense was never able to establish the running game. The Eagles came into the game with the NFL’s #1 ranked defense against the run. I said in my pre-game analysis that the match-up of Willie Parker vs. the Eagles Defense would determine the game. Unfortunately, my prediction proved to be true.

Willie Parker was never able to get the running game going. He ended up with only 20 yards rushing on 13 carries. But even that number is deceiving. Parker got 8 yards on one play. If you eliminate that play, Parker got only 12 yards on his remaining 12 carries. That’s 1 yard per carry. Even I could do that.

On a positive note (there weren’t many), did anyone else notice Jeff Reed’s 53 yard field goal that looked like it would have been good from 73 yards? That guy has got to be one of the best field goal kickers in the league. He is consistently accurate, even in the mud bowl called Heinz Field. Not many kickers could do that.

Special Teams:

The Eagles’ punter actually outplayed the Steelers. Need I say more?

Summary:

History was not on our side going into this game. The Steelers had not beaten the Eagles in Philadelphia since 1965. That’s 43 years. Philadelphia is one of the toughest places in the NFL for any visiting team to play. Perhaps a loss was inevitable.

What bothers me is the way we lost. The Eagles were more physical than the Steelers. They played “Steeler football” better than the Steelers did. That can’t happen.

It’s probably going to be a long, quiet ride back to Pittsburgh. But the team can’t dwell on this. They have to get back on the practice field and fix these problems. They play the Baltimore Ravens next week on Monday Night Football. I’m sure the Ravens are going to use today’s game as a blueprint for how to beat the Steelers.

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Here at Steelers Today, we are not just football fans, but we are also among the world’s foremost authorities on robotics and nanotechnology. We’ve developed tiny nanobots that are capable of converting the brain’s electrical impulses into a signal that can be transmitted to our proprietary receivers. In short, we’ve developed tiny mind reading machines.

We could have used our invention for the good of mankind, or to make billions of dollars, or to get chicks. Instead we decided to put it to a much better use. We will use our technology to help our readers gain better insight into some of their favorite Pittsburgh Steelers. This week, we will share some of our secret files that come directly from the mind of Steelers receiver Hines Ward.

Steelers receiver Hines Ward

September 13, 2008. 3:30AM. Hines Ward is sleeping.

(Ward is dreaming that the Steelers have just completed next year’s NFL draft, and that they drafted a wide receiver in EVERY round in an effort to replace him. Ward wakes up trembling and covered with sweat.)

Mrs. Hines Ward says: “Hines! Hines! Wake up! You’re having that nightmare again. You’ve got to get help, Hines. You have the same dream every night!”

Hines Ward says: “I don’t want to get help. I need the dreams. They give me my edge and make me stronger. I have to get up and workout now. I need to stay ahead of the competition”.

(Hines proceeds to get out of bed and perform his daily 4 hour morning workout. Throughout his workout, Ward’s mind is focused on all of the young receivers who want to take his job.)

September 13, 2008. 8:00AM. Ward is walking his dog “Plaxico” :

What Plaxico actually says: “Woof! Woof!”

What Hines Ward hears: “You’re getting old, Hines. I wish I were Limas Sweed’s dog”.

September 13, 2008. 5:00 p.m. Ward is ordering food at a fast food restaurant:

What McBurger employee actually says: “Would you like to supersize your order, Mr. Ward?”

What Hines Ward hears: “I’m glad the Steelers finally drafted a receiver with some size, Shrimpo”.

September 14, 2008. Steelers are playing the Cleveland Browns and Ward has just dropped a pass:

What Bruce Arians actually says: “Good try Hines. You’ll get ‘em next time”.

What Hines Ward hears: “Troy Edwards would have caught that pass. We’ll keep him instead of you next time”.

September 14, 2008. Hines Ward catches touchdown pass:

What Ben Roethlisberger actually says: “You’re off to a great start, Hines. That’s 3 touchdown catches already”.

What Hines Ward hears: “If Plaxico Burress were here, I’d have 3 Superbowl rings already. ”

Plax wins Superbowl

September 14, 2008. Steelers locker room after Steelers victory.

What Mike Tomlin actually says: “Great game, Hines! You’re a Pro Bowler in my book”.

What Hines Ward hears: “You’re cut, Hines! Bring me your playbook”.

So there you have it. Fans have always known that Hines Ward uses the smallest perceived insult as a form of motivation. Most fans assumed that Hines wasn’t really insulted, but was just psyching himself up for games. But our nanobots have revealed that Hines Ward isn’t faking.

Our data shows that the player that holds most of the Pittsburgh Steelers’ receiving records, and who was recently voted by NFL coaches as the “smartest offensive player in the NFL”, is actually motivated by paranoid delusions. Our data also shows that Hines Ward is a player on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Furthermore, we’ve discovered that it would only take two words to push him over the edge. So whenever Hines is present, please make sure nobody says the words………………….”Santonio Holmes”.

What really motivates Hines Ward.

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