Mike Tomlin’s off-season “to do” list
February 18, 2009
By Donald Starver
Here at Steelers Today, we are not content to sit back and speculate on what the Steelers are going to do during the off-season. Instead, we prefer to take a more proactive approach.
We’ve hacked into Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin’s PDA, and we were able to locate his “to do” list. Here it is, exclusively on Steelers Today.
Mike Tomlin’s “to do” list
- Convince Dick LeBeau that it’s not appropriate for me to call him “dad”.
- Find more ways to use the word “men” at press conferences.
- Sucker Ken Whisenhunt into signing Chris Kemoeatu.
- Make James Harrison run more 100 yard dashes.
- Convince Bruce Arians that “fullback” is not a bad word.
- Send Terrell Owens a free agent contract on April Fool’s Day.
- Pretend to respect the Cleveland Browns and Cincinnati Bengals.
- Sucker Ken Whisenhunt into signing Willie Colon.
- Teach Ben Roethlisberger the difference between a broken toenail and a broken leg.
- Send 50 cases of rice cakes to Casey Hampton’s house.
- Explain to Limas Sweed that wide receivers are supposed to CATCH the ball.
- Place Jeff Reed under house arrest to avoid more “incidents”.
- Mandatory drug tests for Santonio.
- Get fitted for ring.
- Sign contract extension.
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while he’s at it he should convince Ken Whisenhut that Marvel Smith back is just fine was just saving him for next year
116. Enter and win Omar Epps lookalike contest
217. Work on emotionless, robot stare for press conferences
18. Work on monotone robot voice for press conferences
19. Convince entire coaching staff to wear late-90s Puffy Coats on sidelines.
20. Ban Bruce Arians from coming anywhere near the draft for fear he’ll draft another 3 Tight Ends that he’ll never pass to.
Well done! I’m going to post a link to this list over at Steelerspace!
3haha.. tomlin is hilarous. i like the part where he said to pretend to respect the browns and the bengals. haha. pretending. hes hilarous.
4Add to the list:
Teach Santonio Holmes about the after touchdown celebration rules of the NFL.
Pay a visit, Sunday Brunch, for us Steeler fans living here in Cleveland.
5Dave,
If Tomlin can get Whisenhunt to take Marvel Smith, that would definitely be a major coup.
Sure, Marvel could make a total recovery and have a Pro Bowl season. But I doubt that will happen.
6Patrick,
Excellent input, as usual. I especially like the robot stare and robot voice.
Ummm, I guess I shouldn’t admit that I bought one of those puffy coats after I saw Tomlin wearing it on the sidelines.
7Ed,
Yeah, I still can’t believe that Santonio did something so stupid. Fortunately, it didn’t hurt the team.
BTW, sorry to hear that you are stuck living in Browns Country.
8I love the April fool’s joke! Thank God Steelers Nation has a franchise to root for who shuns such idiots! Living in Dallas and having to listen to an endless barrage of Cryboys talk and the prima donna known as T.O., I am beat down with the local stupidity of most cryboys fans.
9I like all of them except this one: Teach Ben Roethlisberger the difference between a broken toenail and a broken leg. I think that if you got hit 46 times during the year with two or three guys that weigh 300 lbs, you might have a few broken bones, dontcha think?? Ben was telling the truth, the coaches were not. He was cleared to play in the Superbowl because, let’s face it-there is no way he was not going to play!
10Steelady,
I agree with you in part. Ben does take too many hits. However, I do think that ben tries to milk every ounce of public sympathy that he can get from his various “injuries”.
How often have we heard Ben say that he had a serious injury, only to have the Steelers organization dispute the claim?
11