A letter to the Cleveland Browns
Dear Cleveland Browns,
We are writing to you to express our concerns and frustration.
There was a time when Steelers-Browns week was circled on everyone’s calendar. Beating the Browns meant more than any other victory (except the Super Bowl, of course). It was kind of like Michigan beating Ohio State, or USC beating UCLA. There were bragging rights involved.
But now, that is no longer the case. The Steelers have beaten the Browns so many consecutive times that everyone here in Pittsburgh has lost count. How many times has it been? 11? 15? 30? 50? I can’t even remember how many times we’ve beaten you, but I know it is too many.
Once upon a time, Steelers versus Browns was an epic battle on the scale of the Sharks versus the Jets. Nowadays, it is more analogous to sharks versus seals. And the Browns are the seals. They are little more than snacks for the hungry Steelers.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret. We really WANT you to beat us. No, I’m not joking. It’s true.
In the overall history of the series between the Steelers and the Browns, the Steelers lead 59-55. That’s pretty close. You have beaten us almost as many times as we have beaten you. That is what made the series great. Each time we played, the game was important. We knew that any time we stepped onto the field with the Browns, we could leave the game with a loss.
Even in the 70′s when we were the most dominant team of the decade, the Browns were an opponent that we could never take lightly. Fans in Pittsburgh may have hated the Browns, but we always had to respect them.
That is why we are concerned about the current state of the Browns. You are not upholding your end of the deal. We want you to be better. We really do.
Sure, it was fun beating you the first 5 times in a row. But after 11 straight wins, it’s getting rather monotonous.
We want you to beat us. And while you’re at it, beat the Ravens and the Bengals a few times. You see, if you were able to do that, it would be good for everyone.
The Cincinnati Bengals seem to have shed their losing ways, and currently sit atop the AFC North. The Steelers and Ravens are always competitive. It is only the Browns that are holding the AFC North back. If the Browns were better, the AFC North would undoubtedly be the most competitive division in the NFL. I’m sick of hearing NFL analysts brag about how tough the NFC East is. I want the AFC North to be king. And you are preventing that from happening.
The sad part is that you have the best fans in the NFL outside of Western Pennsylvania. You have no idea how much I hate verbalizing that, but it’s true. The fans in Cleveland are tremendous. They deserve better than what you are giving them.
That is why we make this collective plea. Please beat us. We want you to beat us. No, we NEED you to beat us. Just don’t do it this week. We still have ground that we need to make up on the Cincinnati Bengals.
Sincerely,
Pittsburgh
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WTH? Did you get a beginners psychology book for your birthday? Trying a little reverse psych? Ok so the the sarcasm was dripping. Aren’t things strangely quiet in Steelerland? We are all reeling from the shock of losing Aaron Smith because WE KNOW how good he really is. Expect Cleveland to run right at his spot. Big test for Kirschke/Eason/Hood and Timmons. Foote was a great run stopper-especially against Jamal Lewis. We will be tested. If we are to be great again, people will have to step up. This is a great stage for players who have worked hard and have had limited PT. They get to step in and step up.
1Let’s hope that this week we remember that the running game and the clock are ‘our friends.’
Big TEAM WIN this Sunday!
Excellent!! I will be at the game Sunday and if I’m going to sit in great football weather, I’d like to see a great game! Last night I saw Best 4th Quarters on the NFL network. One of the featured 4ths was the 2003 Steelers v. Cleveland Browns playoff game, where Pittsburgh was loosing the entire game and only took the lead after the 2 minute warning. It was AWESOME (of course, because we won). But I would love to see the Browns competing in this division!
2I have to agree with the letter writer…we thrive on the rivalry between the STEELERS and the BROWNS!!!! Deep down, I want the Steelers to win…but I don’t mind if the Browns win…but just once in a while.
3Deàr Pittsburgh,
As a person who spent 4 years living in the armpit of America known as Western PA, who is married to a yinzer (I came across one that had more than two branches on her famiky tree) and now has obnoxious yinzer in-laws, I can personally tell you there are no better fans than Browns fans anywhere. Anyone can root for a good team. Get bent.
4But we’ll probably still lose by double digits on Sunday, BTW.
5This has been by far the most ignorant article I’ve read since visiting this site. Donald, did you write this?
Oh, and the Browns just might make your plea come true.
6Tony,
Yes, I did write this. And it is not an article. It is a letter. A letter that is laced with satire. You obviously missed that point.
While it’s possible that the Browns will beat us, I rather doubt that will happen. Did you see them last week against the Bills? “Bad” doesn’t begin to describe the way they played. Unfortunately, the Bills are so pathetic that the Browns still ended up winning the game.
7bad satire
8Dear Pittsburgh:
Imagine waking up tomorrow & reading in your Post-Gazette that the Rooneys have struck a deal to move the team to Los Angeles, starting next season. Your emotions run from disbelief, denial, anger, frustration. You picket the NFL. You flood the league office with phone calls. You file lawsuits. But none of that matters. The deal is done, and the LA Steelers are born.
Can’t happen? That’s what we said in 1995.
Now, we are your kindred spirits. Like you did for us, we will hound the NFL on your behalf to install a new team in Pittsburgh. And given the NFL’s obsession with money, they will extort your city of about a billion dollars & announce a new NFL team in Pittsburgh starting in the 2013 season.
But this new team will make Franco Harris & Terry Bradshaw throw up. They are group of former & future truck drivers, bouncers & trash collectors. You get a new coach. He fails, as expected. You hire another coach, give him more control & he will run the team into the ground. Your thoughts of Super Bowl glories of the past begin to fade as you realize this collection of stiffs couldn’t hold Troy Polamalu’s jockstrap.
And once the Browns beats this team 11 straight times, imagine a letter from Browns fans stating that we really need you to beat us to make the rivalry special again.
How would you respond to such a letter?
We don’t want your pity. Strap it up & bring it. That’s what we say. I trust you would too, but since you have no idea what we have gone through, just shut up.
Sincerely,
The New Browns
9That is a great reply by “The New Browns”. Thanks for submitting it.
As per your request, we will continue to kick your arses on a regular basis.
10We can’t throw, we can’t catch, we can’t tackle, we forget to pay for water bottles, someone always ends up with staph infection, and now SWINE FLU! Randy Lerner should sell the team to Dan Gilbert.
11I grew up with the Browns — and the Steelers. There is no way you can disrespect what has been done and is being done in Pittsburgh. We, on the other hand, suffered through the Modell of mismanagement (sporadic winners) — and now get to live through the Lerner era of gross mismanagement (spasdic losers). We are not looking for pity and have heard far too many excuses for far too long, but there is no way one can respect what is going on in Cleveland. We always looked forward to the Pittsburgh games — and Cincy, too. That time has passed; it is now a part of NFL history, the stuff of legend. What is going on in Cleveland right now and for the past decade has not been and is not good for the team, the Division, or the League. It diminishes other AFC North teams’ stature, who in essence receive 2 additional “bye” weeks when they “play” Cleveland. Good luck and enjoy your season. We envy your good fortune and good management — and look forward to that day when Pittsburgh-Cleveland day means nasty football often in inclement weather — the way football was meant to be played by players who want to play each other from the area where football was born.
12