We can’t beat them
While I was on vacation for the holiday, I didn’t simply spend my time sipping egg nog. Nope, I put my time to much better use. I slipped into the Cleveland Browns’ practice facility to see if I could find a stray playbook, or some other item that might give the Steelers an advantage in their final regular season game on Sunday.
We all know that beating the Browns will guarantee the Steelers the #2 seed in the AFC. So I wanted to do my part to help bring that about. I’ve learned that even the Cleveland Browns can’t be taken for granted.
While I was snooping around the Browns’ facility, I happened to notice something hanging on the wall in the Browns’ locker room. It was a poem that had been written by the Browns themselves. It gives insight into how the Browns view their rivalry with the Steelers. I thought that it was worth sharing with Steeler Nation. So here it is.
We Can’t Beat Them
(By the Cleveland Browns)
We, the Browns’ veterans
from over the years.
Leave these words for the current Browns,
though they’re soaked in tears.
Try as you might,
and we’re sure that you will.
You cannot defeat
The Men of Steel.
We could not beat them
at Three Rivers.
The thought of that place
gives us the shivers.
We could not beat
the mighty Steel Curtain.
Though we tried our best
defeat was certain.
We could not beat
the one called Greene.
We were scared of him,
he was so darn mean!
We could not stop
Bradshaw to Swann.
Those guys were awesome!
We’re glad they’re gone!
We could not beat
the one called “Bus”.
He ran through our “D”.
He was stronger than us
We can’t beat them
at Heinz Field.
Those Terrible Towel wavers
make all foes yield.
We can’t beat
the one called “Ward”.
If he’s a receiver
why does he hit so hard?
We can’t beat Troy
with his flowing hair.
Or James Harrison
and his icy stare.
We can’t stop
number 17.
He’s the fastest receiver
we’ve ever seen.
And what are we supposed
to do with Big Ben?
In or out of the pocket
he’s impossible to defend.
How do we stop
their black and gold might?
Perhaps garlic and holy water?
Or Kryptonite?
We can’t even beat them
on our home turf.
If we can’t beat them here
Can we beat them anywhere on Earth?
We can’t beat them
here nor there.
We can’t beat them
anywhere.
They have better colors.
They play in a better town.
They win Super Bowls
while knocking us around.
We don’t mean to depress you
with these words of gloom.
But facing the Steelers
is a sure path to doom.
But give it your best shot,
and you’ll learn why we feel
that we cannot beat
those Men of Steel.
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Great poem. I hope you do not mind I posted part of it on Facebook. I have a few Cleveland fans as friends. I do apologize.
1I just want to rid my memory of that awful performance against them last winter.
I was looking at old photos and I came across a the most distraught picture of my nephew and I. Then I realized it was the day we watched Metcalf and the Browns beat us 52-0.
Colt McCoy may look like he is twelve years old but they better play to win. Agressive full tilt for 60 minutes.
2@Mark – No problem. Glad you liked it.
3Ummmmm, Jeff. The Browns have beaten the Steelers very few times recently. Why are you mentioning all of them?
4I think you lie awake at night trying to find more ways to make fun of the Cleveland Browns.
5The best sport in Cleveland is trawling for snow tires in Lake Erie. It used to be fire skiing on the Cuyahoga River but they finally put that out. I think.
6Dan,
7You got me on that one.
Fortunately for your sleep schedule, making fun of the Browns is pretty easy nowadays!
8Nice poem. Forgot to put anything about cheap shotting the Steelers though. I’m looking at you Shaun Rogers.
9