In a shocking move, new Dodgers owner Magic Johnson has offered Steelers’ wide receiver Mike Wallace a 10-year contract valued at over $200 million.
As you may recall, Johnson recently made headlines by paying over $2 billion to buy the Dodgers. Magic and his partners were in a bidding war against themselves, since there didn’t appear to be any other bidders who were willing to come anywhere near what Johnson and his partners paid.
Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban considered buying the Dodgers in November, but he backed away from the deal when Dodgers owner Frank McCourt said that he was seeking between $1 billion to $1.2 billion for the team.
Having outbid all real or imagined competitors, Magic has now started trying to upgrade his team. His first move as the new owner was to offer a huge contract to Mike Wallace.
When asked about the contract, Magic replied, “After paying $2 billion, $200 million seemed cheap”.
“Have you seen that guy run?”, said Johnson. “We expect to save salary in other places by having Wallace play all 3 outfield positions by himself.”
When reminded that baseball rules require the team to have 3 outfielders, Johnson replied “I’m a basketball guy. What do I know?”
Johnson said that he expects Mike Wallace to bat lead-off for the Dodgers.
“With his speed, even a routine single will be stretched into a triple. We expect our run production to increase dramatically.”
When told that Wallace hadn’t played baseball since little league, Johnson said, “How hard could it be? Michael did it.”
Had Wallace signed with another NFL team, the Steelers would have received a 1st round draft pick as compensation. However, because he signed with a baseball team, the Steelers will receive no compensation.
When asked about losing Wallace, Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin said, “We were aware that Mike was considering an offer from the Dodgers. We’ve already signed former Steelers wide receiver Limas Sweed to replace Wallace.”
Tomlin didn’t appear to be concerned by Sweed’s previous struggles. Tomlin said, “Limas is a man, like the other men, on our team composed mostly of men. He understands that the standard is the standard”.
Wallace was not available for comment, but the latest post on his Twitter account probably says it all. He tweeted only one word; “Ka-ching!”
Editor’s note #2: We thought that the wink above, and the content of the article would make it clear that this is a joke. But some have mistaken it for a real news event. So this is our official disclaimer that this is a late April Fools joke. We apologize to those of you who thought that the Steelers were losing Mike Wallace.