As the Steelers prepare to travel to
Purgatory Philadelphia this weekend to play their cross-state rivals the Philadelphia Eagles, I started thinking about how the two teams compared. This got me thinking further about how the two cities compare. Here are my top 10 reasons why Pittsburgh is better than Philadelphia.
#10) No Steelers receiver has ever made a bonehead play like Eagles receiver DeSean Jackson did last week (although Plaxico Burress spiking a live ball after a catch certainly comes close). Advantage: Pittsburgh.
#9) According to the U.S. Government Publication Data I Invented To Support My Argument, Lincoln Financial Field averages 3 violent assaults and 1 shooting at each Philadelphia Eagles game. There has never been an assault or shooting at a Steelers home game. Advantage: Pittsburgh.
#8) During World War II, the Steelers and Eagles merged to form the Steagles. Even then, it was evident that the Steelers came first. Ever wonder why they weren’t called the Eaglers? Advantage: Pittsburgh.
#7) The Pirates have won 5 World Series, while the Phillies have only won 1. Of course, considering the stench emanating from the current Pirates, I’ll call this one a draw. Advantage: Neither.
#6) When Lincoln Financial Field was built, they included a jail inside the stadium to house unruly Eagles fans (No joke. Look it up). Advantage: Pittsburgh.
#5) Our hockey team is better than their hockey team. Both the Penguins and Flyers have won 2 Stanley Cups. However, the Flyers last won a Stanley Cup in 1974, while the Penguins won two in the 90′s, and lost in the most recent Stanley Cup championship series. Advantage: Pittsburgh.
#4) According to the database Statistics I Just Made Up, 94% of Philadelphians are unhappy living in Philadelphia, and a full 83% of them want to move to Pittsburgh. Contrarily, 100% of Pittsburghers are happy living here, and would NEVER consider moving to Philadelphia. Advantage: Pittsburgh.
#3) Even Philadelphia’s most famous attraction has a big crack in it. Advantage: Pittsburgh.
#2) Even Santa chooses Pittsburgh. Everyone remembers when Philadelphia fans booed Santa and pelted him with snowballs. Santa says “Philadelphia is naughty. Pittsburgh is nice”. Advantage: Pittsburgh.
Five Six is better than zero. Advantage: Pittsburgh!!! (Note: when this article was written, the Steelers only had 5 Lombardi Trophies. Since that time, they have won a 6th. Of course, that only serves to make our superiority over Philadelphia even more obvious).
So there you have it. As you can plainly see, Pittsburgh beats Philadelphia in a landslide. Any questions?