The nation waited anxiously last night to hear the big announcement. NBA superstar LeBron James was going to make the official announcement of which team he would be signing with.
LeBron is such a celebrity, that even a simple decision required an hour long prime-time special on ESPN.
Fans in Chicago, New York, Cleveland, and Miami were all waiting to see if LeBron would be donning their team’s jersey. But there was another group that also hoped that LeBron might be joining their team; Steeler Nation.
That’s right. Steeler Nation had visions of LeBron playing tight end for the black and gold. At 6’8″ tall and 250 lbs., LeBron would have been a prototype tight end. Or perhaps some saw the possibility of LeBron coming out of the Steelers’ backfield in short yardage situations. I’d like to see the average NFL safety try to stuff that play. Others in Steeler Nation envisioned the multitude of ways that Dick LeBeau could have used LeBron in his defense. Is there anyone who doubts that LeBron would have been an upgrade over James Farrior at linebacker? And with LeBron’s height and athleticism, he would have been an upgrade over William Gay at cornerback (Admittedly, Paula Abdul would be an upgrade over William Gay, but you get my point). Or with the recent injury to Willie Colon, I could have envisioned LeBron using his strength and footwork to fill our starting spot at right tackle.
LeBron James in black and gold. The possibilities were endless.
But alas, it was not meant to be. Rather than become a part of the greatest franchise in sports history, LeBron chose to move to South Florida and become a member of the Miami Heat (Is it just me, or is “Heat” the stupidest team name in all of sports?).
I still don’t understand LeBron’s decision. What does South Beach have over the South Side? Why would he choose the sandy beaches of the Florida coast, when he could have the Allegheny River? Why would he choose to play in front of 15,000 fans at American Airlines Arena, when he could play in front of 50,000+ fans at Heinz Field? When was the last time Western Pennsylvania had a hurricane? Does the fresh seafood and Cuban inspired dishes that are served in Miami even compare to a Primanti Brothers sandwich? Of course not. And Pittsburgh would have been a mere 3 hour drive to LeBron’s hometown of Akron, Ohio.
Is there any doubt in anyone’s mind that Pittsburgh is clearly a better city than Miami, or that the Steelers are a better team than the Heat? Of course not. Some choices are just obvious, and LeBron bypassed the obvious choice.
Pittsburgh does not take being slighted lightly. There will be consequences. No team in Pittsburgh actually plays the Miami Heat, so we won’t be able to get our vengeance directly. But when the Steelers play the Miami Dolphins, we’re going to pummel them. I won’t be surprised if they run up the score to basketball numbers. 98-7 seems reasonable. Moreover, just to make the message even more personal to LeBron, we’re also going to kick his home team’s arse. The Browns are in for a beatdown. Twice!
Go ahead and join the Miami Heat, LeBron. You could have been a proud member of the Pittsburgh Steelers, but instead you chose to leave the Steelers and their fans waiting at the alter. Just remember that Pittsburgh doesn’t forget. This is just another reason for us to hate Cleveland.
On October 24, the Steelers travel to Miami to take on the Dolphins. The calamity that ensues is your fault, LeBron. 98-7. You heard it here first.
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