As the Pittsburgh Steelers prepare to play the Cleveland Browns, I started thinking about the reasons why the Browns will lose. Here are my top 10 reasons why the Browns will lose to the Steelers.
#10) Bruce Gradkowski is from Pittsburgh. He may be playing for Cleveland, but his heart will always be in Pittsburgh. He hates the Browns as much as we do.
#9) Hines Ward. The only thing standing between Hines Ward and his fifth 1,000 yard season is the Cleveland Browns. I’d hate to be the Browns.
#8) The Browns were shut out by the Bengals. That’s right, the Bengals! 14-0. It’s hard to lose to the Bengals, but getting shut out by them is nearly impossible.
#7) Any team that’s named after a color deserves to lose. Teams should be named after animals. Or clever references to the town in which they play. Or racist nicknames for native americans. But teams should NOT be named after colors. How would the Los Angeles Lime Greens sound? About as silly as the Cleveland Browns.
#6) It’s one of the Ten Commandments
Thou shalt not steal
Thou shalt not kill
Cleveland shalt not defeat Pittsburgh
#5) Kellen Winslow Jr.
#4) Mike Tomlin won’t let the Steelers take the game for granted. Meaningless game? Use that term in front of Mike Tomlin, and you might just get punched in the face. Mike Tomlin plays to win. Period!
#3) Eleven is the Browns’ lucky number. Why stop at 10 straight losses to the Steelers?
#2) Braylon Edwards.
#1) Inferior coaching. Romeo Crennel is the Elmer Fudd of coaching. Who else could take the Browns’ roster and get shut out by the Bengals? Crennel belongs in the Hall of Fame of bad coaches.
As you can see, the Browns have no chance of beating the Steelers. Besides, they’re more comfortable losing. Kellen Winslow Jr. is a born loser. So is Braylon Edwards. Why change now?
Generations of Cleveland fans have grown up losing to Pittsburgh. It’s now genetically encoded into their DNA. Cleveland losing to Pittsburgh is like The Penguin losing to Batman; it’s inevitable.
Losing to Pittsburgh is practically a law in Cleveland. Fighting it would be like fighting gravity. Some things are just meant to be.
So let’s watch and enjoy the game despite its inevitable conclusion. Go Steelers!!!!
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