Steelers Today - A Pittsburgh Steelers blog

I know that there are a lot of gambling degenerates out there.  You know who you are.  You’re the guys who just can’t seem to enjoy a game unless you’ve got your entire 401K  riding on the results. 

Since you have so much riding on the game, I’ve decided to help you out.  I know someone who knows just about everything.  Whenever I need advice, it’s the first place that I go.  That’s right, I’m talking about my mom.

To be fair, my mom isn’t much of a sports fan, but I think the gambling losers……errrrr, I mean gamblers might benefit from her insight.  After all, gamblers will usually take advantage of any insight they can get their hands on.

So because I always try to meet the needs of my readers, I am going to have my mom share her insight on the big game.

Steelers Today:  Hi mom.  Thanks for agreeing to to this interview.

Mom:  Anytime, son.

ST:  Let’s start out by finding out who is your favorite team of all time.  You can pick a team from any era.

Mom:  Oh that’s easy.  Luke and Laura.

ST:  Luke and Laura.  That’s a pretty good pick.  They did make a great team.  But personally, I prefer Sonny and Carly.  (Bonus points to any Steelers Today readers who got that reference).

But let’s get right to the matter at hand; the Super Bowl.  Do you know which 2 teams are playing in this year’s Super Bowl?

Mom:  Oooh, I know that one.  Ummmmmm, the Saints.

ST:  That’s right Mom, the Saints are in the Super Bowl.  Do you know who the other team is?

Mom:  I’m not sure.  Is it the Steelers?

ST:   I wish.  But no, the Steelers won’t be playing in the Super Bowl this year.  It’s actually the Colts who will be playing the Saints.

Mom:  Oh, Okay.

ST:  Can you name any of the players from either team?

Mom:  Shaquille Whatshisface?

ST:  No, Shaq won’t be playing in this year’s Super Bowl, but that was a pretty good guess.

So let’s get right to the matter at hand.  We’ve got a nation full of gamblers who are looking for an edge in picking tomorrow’s winner.  That edge is you, Mom.  So tell us, which team is going to win tomorrow?

Mom:  The Saints.

ST:  Okay, you heard it here first!  The Saints are going to win the Super Bowl! 

And what do you think the final score is going to be, Mom?

Mom:  2-0.

ST:  2-0?  That’s an odd score.  Oh wait, I understand.  Two home runs by the Saint, right?

Mom:  Exactly!  How did you know?

ST:  I know you well, Mom. 

But let’s talk about something a little more close to home.  Since the Steelers aren’t in the Super Bowl this year, I want you to tell me which Pittsburgh team will be the next one to win a world championship, the Steelers, the Penguins, or the Pirates.

Mom:  The Pirates.

ST:  The Pirates?  That’s a bold pick.  Care to explain?

Mom:  I like Willie Stargell.  He’s such a great player.  I think he can lead them to another championship.

ST:  Ummmmm, you do realize that Willie Stargell is………… Oh nevermind.

Now that I think about it, probably the ONLY way the Pirates will win a championship is if Willie Stargell comes back and leads them to it.

Well that’s all the questions I have for you.  Thanks for agreeing to do this interview, Mom.

Mom:  You’re not going to print this in that stupid blog, are you?

ST:  No Mom, I’d never do that.  But thanks for the encouragement.

Mom:  You’re welcome, son.

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The Tennessee Titans did a number on the Steelers last Sunday.  Most of the haiku contest entries reflected that fact.

Without further ado, it’s time to announce the winner of this week’s contest.  This week’s winner is Ken, and his winning entry was as follows:

Now we know the name
Of the AFC Champ game
Revenge of the Tow’l

Congratulations Ken.  Very good haiku.  However, I am actually hoping that the Steelers don’t face the Titans in the AFC Championship game.   If someone else can beat the Titans in an earlier round, that would give the Steelers home field advantage throughout the AFC playoffs.  I think I’d rather have home field advantage now, and then get revenge on the Titans next season (or whenever we play them next).

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We had lots of good entries for this week’s haiku contest.  Patrick came into this week as a two-time winner, looking for a three-peat.  Did he defend his championship?

While we had lots of good entries, there were two that stood out to me.  Both had excellent concepts, but both also had flaws.  The first entry was by our reigning champ.  Patrick’s entry was as follows:

Paper towels for Suggs
To wipe the tears from his eyes
I’d suggest Bounty

The second noteworthy entry was by Eric Wagner.  It went as follows:

Was it in or out?
Doesn’t really matter for
Ninety-one reasons

Patrick’s entry was very creative, and I loved the play on the word “bounty”, since the Ravens have been known to put out bounties on Steelers players.  Unfortunately, Patrick used the word “towel”.  “Towel” has two acceptable pronunciations.  The first, and most commonly accepted pronunciation has two syllables.  That would give Patrick’s first line 6 syllables rather than five.

Eric’s entry was also very creative, but it too had a flaw.  The final drive was 92 yards, not 91 yards.  Therefore, the last line should probably have been “Ninety-two reasons”.

In my judgment, an error in game statistics is less egregious than an error in syllables, since an extra syllable would disqualify the poem from being a haiku.  Patrick’s entry, though recognized for it’s creativity, is being disqualified.  Therefore, Eric Wagner is this week’s winner. 

Congratulations Eric.  It took some serious haiku jiu jitsu to defeat Patrick.  Patrick has already established that he has a black belt in haiku, so defeating him was no small task.  I expect Patrick to bring a full can of whoop @$$ next week to win his title back, so everyone had better start preparing for a serious rumble next week.

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We had some very good entries this week, but just like in the Highlander movies, in the end there can be just one.  This week, the one who stood above all the rest was Patrick.  This is a repeat win for Patrick.  He was last week’s winner as well.

It may be difficult to keep Patrick from three-peating next week.  The Force is strong in that guy.  So get to your haiku dojo and start practicing for next week.  It’s going to take some awfully powerful kung fu haiku to beat Patrick.

Here is Patrick’s winning entry.

Is that Clint Eastwood
Or Deshea Townsend out there
Making Cowboys pay?

Congratulations, Patrick.  Another strong performance.  Let’s see if you can hold onto your crown next week.

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